A Price for a Heart
by Zierra
Summary: This is a story I wrote during Christmas. Sorry it took me so long to post, but I have a bad memory. It's a Zell&OC fic, one I'm very proud of. FINISHED! nonyaoi
1. Chapter 1

Title: Price for a heart

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy, don't own Santa 

Clause, I don't even own a car, damn it!

Story: Christmas time means mourning time for Zell. Can Tionna help him overcome 

the Christmas blues?

CHAPTER 1

_I'll always look back, 'coz I walked away_

This memory will last, for eternity

And all of our tears, will be lost in the rain

When I find my way back, to your arms again

But until that day, you, know you are

The Queen of my Heart

( Westlife - Queen of my Heart)

All the things that you associate with Christmas made Zell sick. He didn't hate the tradition, before the accident, it had been his favourite. But now, a year after, almost on the date, everything slightly festive, made Zell want to go into hiding. The only reason that he hadn't done that already was Tionna, his best friend. She had made him, no forced him, to continue living, and restored some, but not enough, of his broken heart and torn soul.

It had been two days before Christmas, they had planned the trip for almost six months and they were both excited to go. Allie, his girlfriend, had told him a hilarious joke while they were driving to their destination. He had laughed so hard, he hadn't seen the other car, so they collided, spinning over the road and into a ditch. Zell never lost consciousness, but he now wished he had, but Allie had. She cracked her skull against the dashboard and there was absolutely nothing he could do for her. She had died in his arms, never waking up.

The funeral had been set two days after Christmas, but Zell hadn't attended. He hadn't dared, thinking that Allies parents would blame him for the accident, just like he blamed himself. He hadn't told the police, not anyone, the real reason for the crash. He had blamed it on sun in his eyes, and since the other driver couldn't confirm or deny the reason, it hadn't seemed important. Zell was disgusted by himself and the guilt followed him around like a shadow. He felt like the most unworthy person to live.

One who didn't share Zells accusations against himself was Tionna. She didn't know all the facts about the accident, just that they had hit another car and Allie had died. She understood that Zell blamed himself, but he had never expressed some kind of blame towards the other driver. She guessed something else was behind Zells mood, but she wasn't about to ask him about it, risking having him pulling away. One thing she did know; Zell was a wreck, and it was time to do something about it. Soon.

She had it all planned. A Christmas party and everyone she had met from Garden was invited along with some of her own friends. Zell didn't know yet, but she had decided for him that he was going to help her with all the arrangements and, if everything went as planned, be one of the guests.

She had know Zell for three years. They lived close to each other and their parents had become friends first, frequently inviting the other family over for dinner and in the process, inevitably, pairing Zell and Tionna together.

Tionna had a younger sister, but had always wanted a brother, older or younger didn't matter, and Zell had eventually taken that place.

He had tried to convince her to become a SeeD, but she had said no, but she had let him train her in martial art. She was quite good now, and they usually trained together. She could live with the cuts and bruises he unintentionally inflicted upon her.

She had known Allie too, even attended her funeral. Allies mother had told her that she wanted to talk to Zell. She had no idea about what, but she hadn't come around to tell him yet, fearing a breakdown.

*****************************************************************

Hope you like this!! It's not YAOI, it's, I think, the only straight story I've written, with Zell as a leading man (as he should be!!) Anyway, it was inspired by a situation in my personal life, although, that didn't end like this one does…. If you wanna know _how _it ends, you have to flatter me, because, I won't post the following chapters unless someone says it good!!! Allright!!! I will do it anyway, but I still want some feedback, so please, write _something_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tionna is my very own character, and if someone has a character with the same name, I hope we can share her, because I just love that name!! 

If you don't like it, fine, you have extremely bad taste, nothing I can do about that, and if you wish to tell me that, go ahead, but don't expect any comments, coz I completely ignore anything remotely "flammable". Creative critics are a different kind, though, those I will read, and try to adapt to!

Hope you read the following chapters!!!!!!

// Zierra


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Zell put on his jacket, feeling that weight on his chest already, event though it was only 6.30 am. He headed towards the cafeteria to eat his traditional hotdogs (a tradition he didn't despise) for breakfast. When he entered the cafeteria, his eyes searched after the long, light brown hair belonging to Tionna. She had promised to meet him here, but she had to be late.

He frowned and sighed painfully when he passed an over decorated tree. Why couldn't they just delete all signs of Christmas? Why did they have to decorate the entire Garden?

He received his hotdogs and went to sit down. He glanced at everyone around him, hating them for their happiness. He began wondering why he hadn't just ended everything? Why he hadn't he just "accidentally" been attacked by a T-rexuar? He was good at accidents.

Suddenly he felt someone throw their arms around his neck from behind, and the hotdog he held in his hand fell in his lap. 

" Morning Zell! How are you?" Without waiting for his answer or permission to sit down, Tionna positioned herself in front of Zell and pulled a notebook from her bag.

" Honey, I need your help tonight, you free?"  
He shrugged.

" I guess. What do you need help with?"

" Good, meet me at home around 15.30, Ok?" she said without answering his question. He nodded and knew that he probably was in for a boring job.

" I have to go and do some shopping. Don't forget to meet me, alright?"

" 'Course not!" She gave him a smile, arose, notebook still in her hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

" Later Blondie."

She hurried out, leaving Zell at the table, suddenly aware of the now cold hotdog in his lap. He put in on the plate and looked at it for a while. Then he shook his head. He wasn't THAT hungry.

Tionna put a big bag of chips in her cart and continued to cruise between the shelves. She had her grocery list in her hand and headed towards the sodas when she ran her cart into someone else's.

" Oh, sorry", she said and was about to leave when someone said her name.  
" Mrs Claine, I didn't see you."

The older woman smiled weakly.

" Don't worry, no harm done."  
Tionna smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. There was something wrong with Mrs Claine, she looked sick. She had seen it before, with Zell.

" What are you shopping for?"

" A Christmas party. I'm inviting some friends over while my parents are out of town."  
Mrs Claine nodded.

" Allie loved Christmas parties."

A long silence followed and Tionna began to feel uncomfortable because she didn't have anything to say.

" Are you here with Zell?"  
There was a large amount of hope in her voice.

" No, I'm sorry. I'm here alone."

It was obvious she was disappointed. 

" Oh, I see. Well, when you see him, could you tell him I would like to see him?"

Tionna nodded, wondering why she always got the though assignments.

" Sure."  
Mrs Claine nodded thankfully and pulled her cart out of the way for Tionna, who hurried away.

" That woman is freaking me out sometimes", she thought and continued her shopping.

When she got home, Zell was sitting on her doorstep and stood up when she walked up to him.

" Hi there, Sweetie, you're early. It's not even three yet."

He smiled, something unusual for him, and nodded towards the bags she was carrying. 

" You need help with those?"  
" Ah, you're an angel. I thought I'd break my back walking over here."

Zell took two of the bags and Tionna put the remaining one on the ground, while she tried to find the key in one of her pockets.

" What's all this for?"

She didn't look at him when she answered, trying to get the key into the lock.

" It's for the Christmas party I'm gonna have tomorrow."

" Tomorrow?" There was hesitation in his voice and Tionna knew exactly what he was thinking. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Allies death.

" Yes. That's what you're gonna help me with."

She glanced at Zell who bit his lip, staring into nothing.

" You coming?"  
He looked up, confused, then noticed that the door was opened, nodded and walked in.

There was no Christmas tree in the house for which Zell was grateful, but there was tiny things that belonged to Christmas. He sighed but decided to suck I up for Tionnas sake. He put the bags he was holding down on the counter and faced Tionna.

" When did you decide to have a Christmas party?"

" Why? I can't?"  
" ' Course you can, it's just you never mentioned anything." He felt disappointed for some reason.

" I know how you feel about Christmas and that you loathe the idea of celebrating it, so I guessed you didn't wanna hear about it."  
Tionna was always straight forward, knowing him sometimes too well. She never stepped on any toes, though, or made him feel uncomfortable. And she was always right.

She gave him a teasing smile, causing him to smile back.

" So, can I count on your strong arms in the task of preparing this house for the best Christmas party of all times?"  
Damn, that girl sure could make him feel better.

" You bet."  
She started to unpack the bags, and he helped. He held up a bag of pipe-cleaners.

" What do you need these for? No one you knows smoke a pipe."

" I'm gonna make reindeers out of them."  
" But Ti, they're green. There are no green reindeers."  
She frowned an glared at him.

" Don't get technical with me, mister. There are no scientific evidence that there doesn't exist green reindeers. Maybe they're just shy. I know I'd be if I were green and a reindeer. Besides, the store only had green pipe-cleaners…"  
Zell laughed out loud, although he tried to hold it back. Tionna looked at him, a broad smile on her face. They continued to unpack and when everything was lying on the counter, Tionna turned towards Zell and held his hands.  
" It's nice to hear you laugh again. Please, keep it up."  
He hadn't realized it until now, but he had been standing in a kitchen, so full of Christmas it would have hurt, without thinking about Allie since he had entered the house. It scared him a little, thinking he was about to forget her.

" You need to move on, honey." Tionna answered his thoughts. " You can't go on like this."  
She knew she was right, as usual, and to tell the truth, he was on the verge of doing exactly that. But he was balancing on a thin line, his future depending on in which direction he fell. The only thing he needed to fall right, was to find a way to forgive himself. But how? How do you forgive yourself for killing someone you love?


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

They'd been decorating the house for five hour and they were both exhausted. Positioned in the couch they leaned back and sighed in relief.

" Finally finished ", Zell exclaimed.

Tionna bit her lip and slowly shook her head.

" Eh, not really."

Zell let out a deep breath.

" What? There's more? It's getting late Ti, and frankly, I'm beat!"

" I know, but there's just one, tiny little thing I need help with."  
" What's that?", Zell asked suspiciously.

"The Christmas tree…."  
Zell looked tortured and Tionna tried to beg.

" Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Zell. All you need to do is to help me carry it inside, then I can do the rest."  
" Sure", he said sarcastically. " And when we've done that, you want me to decorate it and all that."

" Please", she pleaded with puppy-eyes and Zell genuinely tried to resist, but failed.

" Oh, alright! But I only help you carry it inside, then you're on your own."  
" Absolutely."

Outside stood a rather large tree, dark green and it was the perfect Christmas tree.

" You carry by the foot and I take the top."

Zell nodded obediently , lifting it up. They proceeded into the house.

" You'll have to lead the way."

Tionna pointed at the far left corner of the living room.

" Over there."

They put in down, settling it into the holder, securing it so I wouldn't fall over. They stood there for a while, admiring their work.

" It's nice", Zell admitted. " You chose a good one."  
Tionna smiled.

" Thank you. I had it transported from Esthar. I figured it was worth it."  
Zell nodded and put an arm around Tionnas shoulders.

" I'm gonna sit back down in that couch, and I'm not moving a muscle until you give me a back-rub. Deal?"

" Only if you agree in putting up the star."  
" You sure?"

It was an unusual request, considering it was such an honour to do it.

" Positive. Do we have an agreement?"  
" No, but we have a deal."

Tionna smiled at put her elbow in Zells stomach.

" Sit down, wimp."  


The tree was almost finished and Zell remembered his previous Christmases. Both the ones with his family and with Allie. It was a lot to remember. He'd wanted last Christmas to be something special to both of them. He had planned to ask Allie to marry him, be he never had the chance to ask her, nor tell her how he felt deep inside.

Hyne, he missed her!  
" A dollar for your thoughts."  
Tionna sat down next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder.

" I normally only charge a nickel for them."

" These seemed important to you, so I didn't wanna insult you by offering that little."  
" So you offered a dollar instead?"

" Alright, a 100 dollars for your thoughts!"

" Are they that important to you?"

" If they're important to you, they are for me too. So please tell me."

" I was thinking about Allie."

Tionna nodded, not at all surprised.

" I figured, but do you care to elaborate."  
" Well I was thinking about last year, when I was gonna ask her to marry me."  
Tionna sat up straight, eyes full of disbelief. 

" You were gonna do what?! You crazy?"  
Zell looked surprised at her, she seemed agitated and he wondered what had caused this reaction.

" I loved her, I thought it was the right…"  
" … thing to do", Tionna finished. " It's still crazy. You were WAY to young. You can't get married!"  
" Well, I won't now will I, 'coz the one I planned to marry is dead!" he yelled back and stood up. Tionna shook her head, obviously regretting her words, but she had opened a door in Zells mind, and now everything poured out.

" You can never imagine how much I loved Allie. She was my everything. I don't think you can even guess I much you suffer when someone you love that much disappears out of your life. Ever since Allie died, since I killed her!, you have done nothing than to make me forget her. You never cared about her, did you? And I can bet you don't even remember her, not like I do. I can't believe you can be so heartless."

Tionna shook her head fierce fully, while tears was running in rapid speed down her cheeks.

" I'm not. I did all that for you!" she sobbed. " I didn't want you to suffer anymore. I just wanted to help you…"  
" Fat lot of help you've been! The only thing you've managed to do is to rip open half healed wounds, by forcing me to help you with this stupid Christmas party, which you're cold heartedly enough placed on the anniversary of Allies death! You can forget having me helping you again. I don't even want to see you! EVER!"

Then he ran out, leaving a red eyed Tionna crying uncontrollable. 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Zell was on his way back to Garden when he suddenly came upon the cemetery. He didn't know where Allies grave was, but he had a lot of time, so he decided to find it. He was still angry, although now he was mostly sad.

He walked aimlessly between the rows of gravestones, trying to find Allies. He was amazed that so many people had died, that you didn't even know existed, until they were dead, ending up here.

All of sudden he heard the voice of someone talking very low. He saw a woman sitting on her knees in front of a grave. Zell didn't want to disturb, so he walked past that row, taking the next instead.

He reached the woman, a distant away, and he tried to walk by as quiet as he could.

" Zell?"

He stopped dead, slowly turning towards the woman, meeting the sad eyes of Allies mother.

" Mrs Claine. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you."

She rose to her feet and put a hand on the gravestone she had been sitting by.

" I talk to her a lot, it's comforting. It doesn't make the loss as tangible."  
Zell remained quiet.  
" Why are you here?" Mrs Claine asked.

" I tried to find Allie… Her grave."  
Mrs Claine nodded, patting the stone beside her.

" She's right here." She met Zells nervous eyes. " Zell, I've been meaning to talk to you. I asked Tionna after the ceremony to tell I wanted to see you. I guess she forgot."

Zell stood frozen, eyes beginning to water up. " Tionna was at the ceremony?"  
Mrs Claine nodded. " Yes, she and Allie used to hang out together, when you were busy with other things. She spoke very fondly about her. About you to off course." Zell swallowed. Tionna had been at the ceremony? She hadn't told him, probably to spare him the details, not wanting him to make that final good bye. She and Allie close? He had always thought that they only spent time together when he was around. Maybe he had been blind. 

" Zell, I want to thank you for everything you did for Allie. You made her happy, and for that I'm eternally grateful. I also want to thank you for staying by her side when she died. Although she was unconscious, I think she knew you were there, loving her to the bitter end. That's priceless."  
Zell nodded, unable to speak, tears flowing over and down his cheeks. He had just gotten his sins forgiven and it was like that weight that had been in his chest lifted and he saw everything clear. He knew what he had to do.

" Thank you", he whispered.

Mrs Claine smiled at him and looked down at grave one last time before leaving.

" I'm going to give you two some privacy. It was nice to finally talk to you, Zell. I'll see you another day."

When she was out of sight, Zell walked to stand in front of Allies grave, sinking to his knees.

" Hi Allie", he said quietly, feeling awkward about speaking aloud at the cemetery. " I miss you, baby."  
He sighed, unsure how to continue, until he decided to confess everything.

" Allie, I'm so sorry, for everything. Especially for what I did to you. I hope so that you can forgive me. I wish I could make it all different, maybe even switch place with you. I wish so you lived right now, 'coz I'm in desperate need of help. Not only have I sheltered myself from everyone the past year, I've also hurt the one person who has done more that she had to for me, the only one I've really wanted to see. I never realized until recently, and probably to late, that I feel so much for her, not only friendship. The things I told her was probably meant to myself, I accidentally took them out on her. I have no idea how to fix this, and if I can. I can't loose her too, Allie, I can't. There's so many things I want undone and unsaid."

He licked his lips and cleared his throat.  
" I'm sorry it took me so long to come to see you, and when I finally do, it's to say good-bye. Yes Allie, this is good-bye. What I realized talking to your mother, and what Tionna have been telling me pretty much everyday the past year, is that I need to move on. I can't be happy while I mourn over you. But I will never forget you."  
Zell wiped his tears away with the sleeve on his jacket and felt the necklace he had been wearing since the accident. He unhooked it and held it up in front of him. In the thin silver chain hung the engagement ring he was going to give to Allie.

" I bought this for you, to ask you to marry me. I never got the chance to. I still want you to have it, Allie. Just to prove to you that my love was real, and that I still think of you, all the time. I hope you understand why I'm doing this, and I hope you want me to be happy."  
He dug a small hole in the ground and dropped the entire necklace in it before covering it up.

" I will always love you, one way or another, my darling."  



	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

The party had been going on for about an hour and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Tionna sat alone in front of the fireplace, while the others was in the living room, watching TV. 

She had cried the entire night, her eyes was still sore, and she felt so empty. She began 

remembering the Christmas two years ago, when she, Allie and Zell had been playing cards the entire day, waiting for Santa to come. They'd had so much fun, all three of them. She smiled when the image of her and Zell kissing under the mistletoe.

She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked up, meeting a beautiful pair of summer blue eyes, and she braced herself was what was about to come. Zell noticed her reservation.

" Don't be scared of me, Tionna. Please, don't pull away."

She both saw and heard the sadness in his voice, and slowly stood up. Zell looked at her a long time before stepping closer and putting his arms around her waist, pulling her near. Tionna hugged him back, never wanting to let him go.

" I'm so sorry", he whispered and Tionna never doubted the sincerity in his voice. She felt his body shaking and she started to cry too, the room becoming hazy.

After a while Zell pulled away, face streaked with tears.

" I can't tell you how much I regret what I said. I wish I could take it all back."  
" It's OK, Zell."  
" No, It's not! I had no excuse talking to you like that, I know you only been trying to help me. And I know now that you cared about Allie, even as much as I did. I was just so angry, because I was about to forget her and it made me feel guilty. I was thinking I betrayed her, because I was beginning to have someone else in my mind, instead of her. So I took all my insecurity, anger, sadness and guilt and lashed out at you. You, who always made me feel better, the only person I trust and love nowadays. That's unforgivable."

Tionna bit her lip hard, trying to keep the rest of her tears back. Zell took her hands in his and looked her deep in her eyes.

" Do you forgive me?"

She nodded, ignoring the tears running down her face.

" Do you remember what you said to me? When you said that I had no idea how much it hurt having someone you love disappear from your life? I got a pretty good idea when you said you never wanted to see me again and walked through that door. You took the majority of my heart with you. But I forgive you, for what you said, did and thought, 'coz I don't ever wanna lose you."  
Zell smiled and drew a shaky breath.

" Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

" I have only one request."  
" Name it."  
" Attend my Christmas party. I think it's time for Santa to arrive", she said, placing the red Santa-cap on his head. " Deal?"  
" Deal."  
" We made another deal last night, remember? You were gonna put the star at the top. We never got around to that."  
Zell smiled when Tionna handed him the star and pulled put a chair in front of the tree. He winked at her before climbing onto the chair, fastening the star and jumped down. He put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head against him.

" Merry Christmas, Ti."  
" Merry Christmas to you too, Zell."  
They stood there, admiring the now completed tree, putting their past behind them, waiting to see what the future had in store for them both.

" I think it's time for Santa to make a grand entrance, or what do you say?"  
" I say so too", Zell replied looking down at her. " Do you have the gifts?"  
Tionna nodded and disappeared into another room. When Zell was sure he was out of her sight, he hurried over to his jacket and revealed what he had hidden underneath it and held it behind his back. Tionna came out only seconds later, dragging an apparently heavy sack with her and placed in front of him.

" There you go, Santa. Now, make the kids happy!"

Zell smiled and Tionna turned to leave.

" Ti, wait a sec. I have something for you."  
She stopped and turned back.

" What?"  
" Come here, and I'll show you."  
Tionna obeyed and stood before him.

" Closer."  
She inched closer, leaving little room between them.

" Two years ago ", Zell began. " We celebrated Christmas together, the last one, I thought. But you proved to me that there _IS_ life after death, and that I need to cherish what I have, instead of mourning what I've lost."  
Zell held out his concealed hands and Tionnas big smile confirmed that he had done right. He held the mistletoe over their heads and looked deep into Tionnas glistening green eyes.

" You're my future", he whispered and kissed her.

_THE END_


End file.
